I've spent most of my life thinking I was pretty normal. I mean, I'm different in a lot of ways from the masses (particularly the female kind), but for the most part I figured I fit in. Sure, a few things make me "special" but I never thought it was enough to make me..."different".
The other night an episode of "House" got me thinking. You probably saw it, but FYI the sick patient was a blogger. A personal blogger who shared every iota of her life with her readers.
A point she brought up, which is obvious but might not get you thinking until someone says it out loud, is how the internet is this amazing place where people can finally find other people just like them and be honest about themselves. I know, duh. But it really got me thinking, "Where are my people?"
For awhile now I've been hiding my truly personal side because I'm not
easy to understand and I haven't found a lot of people that relate to me. I don't really fit in any classic molds. There's a lot of me. Some of you
would call me a textbook Gemini (which I totally am by the way). I can
get a long with a whole slew of people because of my wide variety of
interests and piss off a whole bunch more.
Here's the thing...
I'm not a mommy blogger and never intend on being one (by choice). I don't know jack about fashion (but I love to look at it). I'm not easily offended (my skin grows thicker every day). I'm not particularly religious (though I once was and still respect people's beliefs). I have a ridiculous sense of humor (I laugh at things most people don't even notice). My apartment is not photo worthy (who has time for dusting anyway?) and I don't know any recipes (I can make a mean ramen).
The list continues.
Maybe I just don't know where to look, but I have a very very hard time finding other women like me that are over the age of 30 or aren't confused by me and some of my choices.
I always intended for this blog to be personal. To be about what I love: about art, about my art, about my life, about your life, about how life is art and art is life. Somewhere along the line I started trying to please people other than myself.
Now how in the world am I going to be interesting if I'm trying to cater to and/or try not piss people off? Somehow I got it all backwards. In real life I have no problem speaking my mind, but here on the internet I have somehow become...reserved.
Even just typing that word out in reference to me makes me crack up. Most people who know me in person would respond "And I'm a monkeys uncle." Or perhaps something a little more updated.
It's not that I've been lying to you, it's that I've held back. It's time to put an end to that. How can I expect you to get to know me if I'm not telling you? I want to be more honest. Starting now.
When you read a piece here, or discover a new artist, etc, I want you to know I'm passionate about what I'm doing. I love the arts, I love to blog, I love to photograph, I love to share and I want to get to know you. I'm not saying this is turning into a diary about my daily goings on, I just want you to hear my voice, whether you like it or not.
It's time to create my own mold I guess.
Here's the thing...
I'm not a mommy blogger and never intend on being one (by choice). I don't know jack about fashion (but I love to look at it). I'm not easily offended (my skin grows thicker every day). I'm not particularly religious (though I once was and still respect people's beliefs). I have a ridiculous sense of humor (I laugh at things most people don't even notice). My apartment is not photo worthy (who has time for dusting anyway?) and I don't know any recipes (I can make a mean ramen).
The list continues.
Maybe I just don't know where to look, but I have a very very hard time finding other women like me that are over the age of 30 or aren't confused by me and some of my choices.
I always intended for this blog to be personal. To be about what I love: about art, about my art, about my life, about your life, about how life is art and art is life. Somewhere along the line I started trying to please people other than myself.
Now how in the world am I going to be interesting if I'm trying to cater to and/or try not piss people off? Somehow I got it all backwards. In real life I have no problem speaking my mind, but here on the internet I have somehow become...reserved.
Even just typing that word out in reference to me makes me crack up. Most people who know me in person would respond "And I'm a monkeys uncle." Or perhaps something a little more updated.
It's not that I've been lying to you, it's that I've held back. It's time to put an end to that. How can I expect you to get to know me if I'm not telling you? I want to be more honest. Starting now.
When you read a piece here, or discover a new artist, etc, I want you to know I'm passionate about what I'm doing. I love the arts, I love to blog, I love to photograph, I love to share and I want to get to know you. I'm not saying this is turning into a diary about my daily goings on, I just want you to hear my voice, whether you like it or not.
It's time to create my own mold I guess.
I've been following your tweets and your photos for a while now and this is one of the better posts I've seen from you. Perhaps it's because I share many of your sentiments and wish that I, too, could go in the direction you are heading.
It's scary as hell to hang the real you out there for readers to judge. Too often it causes many of us to water down our writing in hopes for larger acceptance and appeal. For what it's worth, I think you're doing fine and it sounds like you're about to get even better.
Gary, this comment means so much to me! It's great to hear from you and I'm stoked you liked this post. I spent all night wrestling with myself not to take it down. This just made it all worth it. Thank you for that!
I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one suffering from watered down syndrome. (How soon before they make a pill for that anyway?). Not that I want anyone else to feel that way, just nice to hear I'm not alone here. Maybe we should make a little pact to open up more, show our true colors. Maybe we'll find a few more people like us.
I think you'll be surprised at the amount of like minded people around. You know I am. Sure, there's less of us, probably a lot less. Even though I do cook and I know about fashion (though I'm coming to hate it more, it's bloody irritating lol) you know what a similar mindset we have. I promise you, there are many more!
I'll be glad to see more personal posts from you. I don't think you should worry too much about offending people, sometimes even the most innocuous comment can offend.
Janine, you are in fact one of my inspirations for writing this post. Having met you online and getting to know you over the last couple months has really shown me there's someone out there like me...AND that we can get along too. ;)
This and the other comment from Gary have also proven my life long idea that it's not about quantity with friends, it's about quality. Just to have two people step up and say "kudos" makes everything alright.
Of course, you have to cook because how are we gonna eat when I finally visit you someday?
I couldn't agree with that more. I've never made friends easily. In college I think I had one friend. Even looking back at my summers at the Colony... I never really clicked with anyone and always kind of felt left out. I always wondered why. I'm a cool girl, I would think. I'm intelligent, and pretty, and funny....so why can't I make friends like normal people?
But, it's been recently that I realized that I DO have a lot of friends. And most of those people are people that I bonded with over the internet. Sure, I've met them all in person. Maybe even the initial meeting was in person. But we really got to know each other online. And these people are my best friends. One girl I met only a year ago is like a sister to me. I drive to her house three hours away almost every week. Thank you, interwebz!
The past 18 months have been a huge time of self discovery for me. For the first time in quite awhile, I finally feel like I have been able to be myself and I'm not afraid to like the things I like or share those things with others. I think writing is such a good outlet, too. I used to write all the time and then after college stopped for various reasons. Recently I started blogging again and it has been a lot of fun and very therapeutic!
I'm really excited to follow your blog now!