Today I got word that my job will probably not be needing me for the first show of the season, the one I was counting on to pay the rent. My immediate response was total relief, followed by surprise since my normal reaction would be total panic.
You hear a lot about people who quit jobs to persue their life's dream. I have it pretty good. I get a long break between shows so there's no reason to quit just yet, unless you include my lack of enthusiasm, and the 18 hour days for 3 weeks straight that keep me from doing the things I love. Then I start to fall slowly into a steaming pile of guilt. Then I get grumpy and no one likes to work with a grump. Nevermind the confidence I need to muster in order to make a decsion like that.
So here lies the pickle. Do I take it as some kind of sign that I should keep plugging away here on the blog and consider the extra couple of months as a blessing? Do I panic and find other work? Should I beg the fella to find some high paying gig and take care of little ol' me?
That last one was funny.
When am I being too hopeful? When do I need to be "realistic"? Maybe I am being realistic! Maybe I am supposed to take a longer break. Maybe I'm just over thinking the entire thing. Maybe I'm just telling myself what I want to hear.
I think the most important thing I have to keep in mind is how I reacted. Why is it that instead of total shock and disappointment, I felt more like I was freed from impending doom?
All I'm certain of is the happiness with what I'm doing right now. That's the point, isn't it? To really love what you do because we are what we do, right? Or did someone extremely wealthy coin that phrase?
I love being home. I love making my own schedule. I love my coffee, my desk, my books, my drawing. I love the struggle.
I do. I love to struggle. Not financially, but with my work. I need to work hard or I feel completely useless. All my young adult life, when I was being prepped for the real world, the number one thing I was told over and over is to be ready to work from the bottom. This excites me. I enjoy working for a higher goal. The difference now is that it's mine , not someone else's. As previously discussed, this is the hard part.
So what I have learned? I want to be my boss. Now if only my boss would tell me what to do next.
Well, in a way, it sounds like the universe has made the decision for you. If you have a little more time for your real work to continue, but still have ties to the company for the next show if youwant, then glide while you can. It would be lovely and easier if your partner can help a little more than usual with the expenses of life, but even without, I think youcan make it work (copywrite Tim Gunn).
Thanks for the words of encouragement! Time to get that fella to work? Hehehe
It's a fluid situation for you. No need to make it more solid that it has to be. No doors slammed shut or locked behind you.
Amen to that Ry, yay for trips through Europe and finding purpose.
ry, three words for you:
follow that dream!
Thank you so much for the vote of confidence Amy! It means a lot to me!