Results tagged “phone”

Remember how I promised you funny stories once the fella returned because he's a man and he's ridiculous?  Yeah well....

So the phone rang at 3am the other morning (wrong number).  Not really that big of a deal unless you're me of course.  You see, this was happening towards the beginning of the summer...a lot...so I reverted to turning the damn thing off. Just off. Forever.  It's the fella's land line anyway, I never use it.  Who uses land lines?

Upon his return (you know, like right when he walked in the door and I was saying things like "don't put that there" and "this is how we do things now"), I asked that he turn the machine back down before bed every night. Naturally with all the tasks I laid before him, it slipped his mind.  I can tell you with all confidence now that he will never forget again.

In my surprised, half awake and dreamlike state, I literally sprang out of bed and pretty much floated to the answering machine.  Except floated sounds graceful.  It was not graceful. 

I pressed off. Off. OFF. OOOOFFFFFF!!!  The damn thing would not respond to my finger mashing.  I press that button all the time. Why is it not shutting off?  Am I using the wrong finger?  Is this even the answering machine or am I trying to turn off the cat? 

Volume. Down....down...down...down...down.. DOWN!! WHAT THE &$#&%!!!!

There was clearly only one way to remedy this situation.  Rip the phone off the wall and throw place it on the floor.

And there it lay on the floor with my obnoxious answering machine voice still yappin'.  I jumped back in bed and barked at the fella that it was his fault for not turning it down and "You go fix it. FIX IT!"

Of course from there it just got laughable.  Laughable now, not then.  He couldn't get the damn thing to shutup either and managed to press the hang up button on the machine which left us with the blaring dial tone and then the "Please hang up and dial again". 

This is when I started yelling something about JUST RIP IT OUT OF THE WALL!  He did not comply (cooler heads prevail) and eventually, some magical how, the damn thing shut off. 

So there we were with a hole in the wall and a phone on the floor and me left to deal with the fact that I am a raving lunatic. 

But he's the ridiculous one.

For those of you who may be unaware, my other half has been gone since May 1st.  He has a job down south that keeps him away for the 4 months of summer.  Sometimes I go with him, other times I say "No freakin' way am I going back there ever again!"  Then I make him feel guilty for "leaving me behind".

I know, that's really girly of me but I never pretended to be a full time tomboy.

So as with all long distance relationships, which I don't really consider us to be, we're more of a "What? I get 4 months to myself and no nagging?" kind of couple (we see the positive in everything), all communications are via cell phone.

Have I ever mentioned here just how much I hate phone "conversations"?  We all know there's rarely any conversing going on, it's usually one person who won't shut up and another person trying to make excuses.  I come from the school of short-and-sweet.  Who is this? Why did you call? My response. End conversation.  Unless you're my mom, oh the poor woman, she has the patience of Buddha when I call her.

The boy is actually pretty good about understanding my loathing of the phone.  He usually keeps it short unless I've decided to go off on some tirade about nothing important or to tease him with all the great shows I've been watching and he can't because he doesn't have cable down there and "Gee, I'll try to keep it on the Tivo until you return." *delete*

But Saturdays, they're my penance for being the impatient girlfriend that I am.  Saturdays are his day off. Saturdays, he gets his drink on.  We'll usually start the day with a quick call telling each other what we're up to and how we plan to spend the day. Then maybe another call or text just to say hello, but by the end of the day?  It's all over and I am given the ultimate test of my patience.  How many slurred stories with minute long pauses can I endure before my patience runs out?

When I really think about it, If I was dating me, every day might be Drunk Dial Day and to be honest, half of the time I'm convinced he's just messing with me.  He knows he gets real "southern" when he drinks.  Me being a born and bred New Englander, well, you know how we can be.  Have you ever heard a conversation between a true blue yankee (just to be clear, Let's Go Mets) and a stereotypical southerner?  It's kinda like someone keeps playing with the fast forward and slow-mo buttons during a wrestling match.

So a typical Saturday conversation where I genuinely give it my all to listen:

Me: "Hey hon, did you have a good day?"

Him: ".........................Yeah!"

Me: "Awesome, what did you do?"

Him: "........I floated around...............around in the water."

Me: "Cool!"

Him:"............................................."

Me: "Hello?"

Him: "Yeah, yeah.....I'm here................................................"

Me: "Anything else?"

Him: "Nope, that's about it........................................"

Me: "Oh, okay, well I..."

Him: "Except for the crab incident........................"

Me: "............................"

Him: "........................"

Me: " Crab incide...."

Him: "Yeah, crabs..."

And so on. No seriously.

With all that having been said, the most important thing you need to know is how much I do love the boy.  He's about the only one willing to put up with me and the only person I've ever been willing to test my patience with....for now.